What doesn't kill you...

You know the cliche - "what doesn't kill you will make you stronger". I'm not so sure. I was pretty excited this morning checking on the temps to decide when to go run my first 20 mile run. Ever. I have been doing well on long runs, including last week's 17 mile run at sea level (well, at 275 ft above sea level). I was a little concerned about the distance, so I planned to consume 2 Clif Bars before this run. Also, I was out of Clif Shot gel, but I wanted to change over to straight sports drink anyway. At least I wanted to try it out - all you have to do is drink, leaving one less thing to worry about during the run.

Morning temps were a little on the low side when I rolled out of bed at 6am. 27 degrees F, 17 degrees with the wind chill. Sun rise not until 7:09. I decided to wait for the sun to come up, but I was already eating my Clif Bars, and sipping a cup coffee. I usually have half a cup before my long runs. Then switch to water to make sure I start off hydrated. For some reason, I drank a cup and a half of coffee this morning. I think it was going well with my Clif Bars. The consequence was I only drank a few ounces of water. Usually, I would probably drink 8 to 10 ounces with my one Clif Bar.

I loaded up my Northface E-Race Boa hydration pack with gatorade, and headed out the door. I made it out to the trail about 7:30am; perfect timing really. Temp had increased in to the low 30's, and down to the mid-20's with the wind chill. I started off and noticed that the trail had quite of a bit of loose snow on it. Also, some of that hard pack that's a little like running on river rock. But I felt pretty good. Getting close to the first mile mark, I started to notice some stomach cramping. It wasn't too bad, but after reflecting a bit on my preparation, I began to wish I had consumed more water.

When drinking water, I usually take two draws through the bite-valve after every mile. That seems to keep me well hydrated and my post run weight pretty close to my pre run weight. I started in on the gatorade. It tasted good but seemed heavy. I noticed I was struggle more and more with the loose snow on the trail, particularly on the uphill stretches. My legs were getting sore also. And the cramping kept getting worse, as well as moving lower. Even though I kept thinking about slowing down, I was still 20 seconds a mile ahead of my pace.

By 6 miles I was heading up a hill and breathing like I was running intervals. I began to really focus on the turn around point. My trail run has an elevation gain on the way out (about 550 feet over ten miles), which makes for a nice run back. Of course, the hills are rolling, so there is more climbing to do than 550 ft. At about 8.5 miles there was a gradual downhill which caused me some concern. I knew I was going to have to run back up it shortly. Another downhill from 9.0 to 9.5 miles. Then some up hill. Each time I took in some gatorade, I noticed my cramping was getting worse.

I have had bad runs before. We all have. My general rule is to persevere, then when you're having another bad day, you can take encouragement and strength from past runs you were able complete when feeling bad. I was trying focused on this training truth. Then there was some up hill leading in to the turn around, but I was very happy to get going back the other way. I began to notice that I was thirsty. And it began to occur to me that the carbs I had taken in weren't getting digested - that's why I was cramping. I wasn't if I was processing any of the fluids, but I was thirsty and started visualizing asking other runners for a drink of water.

There weren't a lot of runners out on the trail today, so there really wasn't the opportunity. I also had forgotten to bring my phone. I think I might have called my wife if I had. But I kept persevering. At 13.5 miles I noticed I was thinking the mile markers were coming early than they actually were - meaning I would think I had hit the 13.5 mile mark, but still had a few hundred yards to go. I just kept moving and starting thinking that as soon as I could get to the car, I could have some water.

With the benefit of hindsight, I believe I was dehydrated at this point. I was very thirsty, my midsection was quite crampy from stomach through intestines. And I think I had lost the judgement required to make good decisions. I kept thinking about needing to finish the workout and the water in the car. With just under 4 miles to go I came upon a couple headed the same direction I was. I startled them. I think because I was breathing pretty heavy, but I'm not sure. We chatted a bit. They were doing 10 miles. I told them I was trying to do 20, but "I am struggling". I don't remember if they said anything after that.

Somewhere after that I remember somebody asked me if I was doing alright, but I don't know what I answered. I hit some ruts and almost lost my balance because my legs were complete rubber. At that point I had just over 2 miles to go and I knew I was going to finish. I just needed to focus on form. I staggered up the three remaining hills over the last 1.5 miles and hit the stop button on my watch. I was expecting to feel better, but I didn't. I walked for a bit, then started up the hill to the parking area. I almost couldn't make it. I got the water from the car and started wishing that I had my phone so I could have my wife come get me.

It never occurred to me that I could have asked the other people in the parking lot to make a phone call for me. I realize now how easy that would have been. I couldn't stretch. I was too out of breath, and maybe a little disoriented. I decided I needed to get home. So I got in my 4Runner and started the drive home. I don't really remember much about driving home. I do remember starting to pull in to the wrong side of the drive way. I think I was confused as to which car I was driving.

I came in the house and Diane asked how my run was. I dropped my running bag and said "bad". She was in another room, so I started down stairs to stretch. But I couldn't. It took more energy than I had. I also noticed I was shivering uncontrollably. I was convinced I needed a hot shower. So I started back up stairs. By the time I got to the top, I was breathing like I was running my 10th 400m interval. Diane noticed my breathing and shivering at that point and grabbed my arm. I had to get on all 4's to get up the next flight of stairs. She wouldn't let me get in the shower - she kept saying my body and hands felt hot. All I knew was I was shivering and fingers were numb. She pushed me in to bed, covered me up and got me started on water.

It has been about 5 hours since I stumbled in the door from my first ever 20 mile run. My legs are still quite sore. I have kept drinking water and have had some food once the cramping passed. I still do not have enough energy to stretch my legs, which I'm sure is part of the reason my legs are so sore. I know that I had a narrow escape today.

But what did I learn?

1) Once I was in trouble I didn't have the judgement to realize it and do something about it.

2) ALWAYS carry a cell phone on a long run.

3) NEVER change your eating habits or hydration plan on a 20 mile run. Test these changes on shorter distances.

4) If anyone ever asks you "are you doing okay?" on a run, stop and ask them why they are asking.

5) If you start fantasizing about asking other runners for water, you are in trouble.

6) And finally, stupid is as stupid does.

I thank God that I have come through today as well as I have.